Thought Post : Why I’m not giving up

Try and fail, but never failed to try.

This quote is something that is close to my heart. Not only because I know it from someone that I admired in life, but because so many times I have been living my life with this quote in my heart.

This weekend, I fight my battle to stay positive. Yes, I have my own battle that I go through every now and then about various things. On these 2 days, I faced defeat from a certain contests. It’s not about I’m not wining, it’s about the disappointment. I know it’s totally bias when I say I feel that I am better compared to some, but it is what it is. And these disappointments are just eating me inside. Like there’s a hollow space in my heart. I even start doubting myself. Am I not good enough? But like other days, I always find my spirit to get back up and try my shots another day.

Why? Because I can and I want to. Nobody enter a competition knowing 100% they will win. If there is, I doubt if it’s even a competition. This is the same, I enter a competition knowing my chances and my skill that potentially could help me win. But other than that, I have no control on who’s going to be lucky enough to be chosen. Yes, even with skill you can’t certain about something. There’s a chance on you winning and losing, you get both in a package. You kind of sign that up when you throw your ball into the game.

Then, the other question many have but still shy to ask me openly. Why I bother enough to join if it’s not for wining?

One, I do care about wining even just a little bit. Second, so what if I’m not winning? Do the world going to end? Do I embarrass myself in attempt? NO. Of course no.

Maybe the simplest answers are I don’t see quitting as an option. To stop fighting for something that I want are a privilege that simply I cannot afford. I am in the point in life where I need to work my ass off into a position that I am comfortable or aspire to be in. I don’t have a very stellar background or talents like maybe other people have, but I still could work and evolve through many things like a competition.

I see it as a way to improving myself, challenging myself into a better version of myself. A competition is doing me just that. If I win, that’s good. That means all the time I spend on improving myself are showing its worth. But if I lose, that only mean that there more room from improvement. Oh maybe they’re looking for this kind of shots or style. So the next time, I have more knowledge or insight than before. I don’t want to miss out to ‘level up’ just because my pride gets in the way.  It’s a hard work for sure, and it may be going to be a long way. But I believe that when you put your blood, sweat and tears into something that you really want to achieved, you could do anything. You could be unstoppable.

So , whoever you are,  No matter which side of the world you are on right now, I’m telling you that I’m not quitting and I hope so are you. Failure doesn’t define us. They are just parts of our journey to becoming unstoppable. So don’t stop believing in yourself and your skill because someday you going to look back and thanking your old self for not stopping and keep growing.


Elvina Samantha

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