Hi loves. Today is the day I want to write another post about feelings. Haven’t done that for a while, so now I’m going to fill you guys up with my recent feelings and thought.
When you want something, you definitely would work your way towards it. Because what else you going to do besides that? I am so grateful because I’m considered myself as a lucky person. I have been getting some recognition through my work towards my dream, not anything major or anything but it’s always something that I appreciate because someone out there noticed.
So these 2 weeks, I have been waiting for something. Let’s just called it the thing. I have been waiting for this thing with anticipation because I really wanted it and I think it’s quite important. Because of other thing that successfully happens at the beginning of this month, I really think that a thing that I wanted will surely go my way. Everything happen so smoothly for me, so why wouldn’t this thing come my way, right?
Even though a thing isn’t mine until it someone says it is, I treated as it is certainly mine. Do you guys ever heard about this quote from Paulo Coelho?
When you want something; all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.
I really believe in this quote. Call me childish or delusional, I don’t really care because I believe if we worked hard towards something that we want, the universe will make it happen. And maybe because this thing, I become a little more optimistic than I should be. I put my life on hold because of this, and today I got news that confirm that this thing wouldn’t be mine.
Obviously I can’t help to feel just disappointed. I keep asking myself why this thing wouldn’t become mine. As any of human response to this news, I become more petty, defensive, and egoistic than I usually was. Why they get to get the thing? I’m more qualified than some of them? I’m really couldn’t help feeling upset. At they who got the thing, at them who just not giving me the thing, at myself too maybe.
I’m not really a fan of being petty and negative myself, so after I feel that it’s enough, I try to process my feelings. I try to analyze why it is so hurtful for me. I have been facing rejection and failure more than I can count, so why this particular thing hurt me more than I expected? Maybe after so many good things, I’m not knowingly hope everything will go my way without any hiccup. But I know life’s are not like that, everything has to be in balanced.
When I settled with reasons for myself, I try to count my blessings. How many good things that have come my way so generously. How God has been so kind to me in my daily life with everything. Many people that are unfortunate and see even my daily things are something that they deem as a privilege.
Then, I try to make peace with this situation. Maybe they are more qualified than I see or know? Maybe I just not the right person? Maybe this is just not my shared because it’s just not for me. So how badly I want it doesn’t really matter because it’s just not for me. So instead I’m being petty and hurtful to myself and others, I think it’s more important to choose what best for myself. Being a negative person doesn’t make me a improve and better individuals. Its only prevents me from moving forward.
After I make peace with everything from myself to the situation, I have my own closure. Instead of despise everything; I have this state of mind. If it’s not for me, its okay because that’s mean I have another thing that will surely find me. When one door closes, another door opens. So don’t dwell on this one thing. If I got cheated, that’s okay too because it’s their loss not having me. Universe will give the good and bad to the one who deserve it.
For the last thing, I want to reference a story that I read from an Old Indian. Inside everyone, there’s always a fight between a bad wolf and a good wolf. Bad wolf feed on every envy, evil, negative and awful things some people have done. Good wolf feed on every kind, generous, all around good things people have done in their life. The fight will going on as long as you lived, and it will eventually won the one you keep feeding. So it’s really is your choice.